Reviving my practice

After 17 years officially of being a magic practitioner, I had lost my love for this essential aspect of my life. This was caused by a few factors. I couldn’t summon the energy to make my working stick. I found constantly setting up candle rituals and all of the paraphernalia you need for a western based magic practice tedious and cumbersome. I still, and always will, speak with the gods I worked with, but I didn’t want to do and own all of the things without some serious results. I had to do some investigating, and I had to change course. The moment I made that decision, everything opened up. Here’s how.

I had to stop blaming myself for the low rate of successful spell work when it came to my own goals. The work I did for others was generally successful. Through some divination I came to understand that I just didn’t have the energy to support my workings. I had to learn to find healthy external sources. And I had to learn to be proud of the skills I had gained thus far.

I had to put the wonder back in magic. Science and spirituality go hand-in-hand. And no matter the religion, people have always observed the workings of nature fairly accurately, with simple differences in terms of who these workings were attributed to. Science gives us understanding of the atmospheric patterns that create storms, but that does not mean that gods or spirits associated with those storms aren’t involved. The science will be there behind the currents of energy in the universe, as well as our gods and spirits, and I don’t necessarily need to grasp that mystery in order to have a healthy practice. I just need to trust it. Dreams and imagination play a large role in a healthy spiritual and magical practice, but when those things are overshadowed by rigid logic, the joy and authenticity drain away and my heart wasn’t in it anymore. I had to learn to set aside rationality and analysis and just allow my practice to breathe and evolve. I think in part this comes from feeling that my very creative and intuitive nature is less valuable than an analytical one in the culture we live in, which feeds on creative energy until creators are starving, but does not foster new creative growth.

I needed to lean into my dark feminine power. It was time to focus on rebuilding the connections between body and spirit, accepting that my nature is intense and chaotic, and learning to love that. There was also some emotional decluttering to be done. Of hobbies that were not enjoyable anymore, of connections that did not serve my growth, And of the self doubt created by negative reception of my ideas by others in this community. I had to shed some emotional and intellectual baggage. My spiritual energy is precious and it was being spent in too many places. Now I am in the process of rebuilding those stores and mostly trying to take a break from expending them.

At least for the moment I no longer feel the need to necessarily talk to anyone in my personal life about my practice. Right now I don’t want any of the types of input that I’ve experienced for the last 17 years to interfere with my work. And I don’t feel the need anymore to have my methods validated. I feel like I am turning inward, to become as strong as I can. but here and now, I am sharing my experience and tips with all of you who read this, in the hope that you find what I have to say valid and useful, and maybe what I have to say can help you evolve your own practice.