Solaria Divina

Tag: feminine energy

  • Femininity uncaged 

    We are not dolls. We have divinity within us. We are not flawless, but we can embrace the freedom that comes from vitality, from expression, and from a deep connection with our bodies and our power. Luxurious is the life filled with rich experiences, love, self empowerment, learning and creativity.

    The first cage is a cage of refinement. On the outside a refined woman looks composed, like she carries power well, like she handles all of life’s challenges gracefully while retaining soft edges. What you don’t see is that she is forced to be extremely self reliant, to keep pain and anger on a short leash, to repress emotions in order to manage the emotions of those around her. It takes constant monitoring and very narrow, very heavy psychological controls to do this. Some of us are brought up to feel this is natural, but on some level it hurts all of us.

    The second cage is a cage of commodification. Aesthetics like clean girl, tied to conservative concepts of femininity and traditional wifehood, coquette which leans into girlish and playful sensibilities, and cottage core, our designed to force us into categories. Brands lean on these trends to sell, and many of us feel uncomfortable if any part of our aesthetic doesn’t match a currently dominant trend, so we end up feeling pressured to alter our presentation. This makes it hard to be totally genuine. Compliance is packaged as creativity and we lose our input.

    The third cage is a cage of performative desirability. Your mother told you to wear the shapewear, never leave the house without a bra, keep your skin flawless, never have visible body hair. Then society gave you tight skimpy clothing, but contradicted with a message to never sit with relaxed legs. They gave you diet culture, spiked heels, and a million products to keep you looking like you are as close to 17 as possible. Make yourself pretty, be available but not too available, keep silent and flawless. Within this cage there can be a sense of power. You can use looks to game the system. But again you cannot make a mistake. You cannot have slightly stained teeth because you enjoy your morning coffee, chipped nail polish, or eyebrows that aren’t a perfect match. You can’t enjoy food because you are always chasing social approval of your body.

    The fourth cage is a cage of denial. It’s the last one that can appear when the other three have been intentionally evaded. They don’t just shrug off the suffocating strictures of the cultural definition of femininity, but the joy and power that can come with it as well. A commanding feminine presence can transform the energy in a room. She’s not just pretty and polished. There is a clear and personal art to her beauty. Maybe she goes in for 20s style crystal jewelry, sequined dresses, and detailed sparkly manicures. Maybe she’s the girl in the dark red lipstick and the gold silk wrapped dress who doesn’t bother to modulate her laughter. Maybe she’s the girl who can handle herself in a fight but shows up in a satin dress under a leather trenchcoat. She’s the warm, living, sensual woman who actually embodies her power. In the cage of denial, you miss out on all that in an effort to avoid suffocation. To me this looks like functional baggy clothing, utilitarian footwear, no aesthetic instinct. There is relief in absence which is understandable.

    All of these cages have an insidious trick, like the food in a mouse trap. They temporarily let you feel really good if you succeed within them. But they cut you off from your real power, your goddess energy. You are not weak, passive, receptive, or purely ornamental. You can be strong, outspoken, warm, vivacious, and sensual. You can enjoy all that life has to offer. But if you don’t know what you are giving up, the prizes within these cages can seem like the best thing possible. Respectability, social approval, power without apparent aggression, or just the peace and relief of the seeming absence of a cage. You don’t have to sacrifice the feminine power with an all of us just to shrug off the various methods of containment that have been devised for you.

  • Spirit of a dress

    I thoroughly believe that objects, buildings, and things we find in nature can have either organic or aggregate spirits. The ladder especially applies to things that people create: clothing especially if made with natural fiber, glass and ceramic pieces, wooden furniture, buildings. Metal and gemstone jewelry, leather goods, and artwork also do this. The spirit of the creator, the energy of the materials, and the experiences that object goes through, create sentience. For instance my old college dorms, which were active for 50 years, probably had massive, well developed personalities thanks to thousands of students and visitors, many of them there for long periods of time. It’s really tragic in my mind that no one took last pictures or created a memorial archive of stories from people who lived in those dorm towers before they were demolished. I’m trying to do something in a smaller way for a much more personal object.

    Part of how I self identify is usually wearing a dress or a skirt and top combination. Many dresses and skirts come and go. I wear them out or I resell them because they didn’t work for me or I was just over them stylistically. A few stand out. A sleeveless sweater dress I had for a few years, had a really beautiful ivory and black snake print and a full skirt without any annoying seam at the waist. I wore this until it developed a very strange white stain that we couldn’t get rid of. I was sad to see it go. Another that I wish I could have memorialized but was actually stolen was a short sleeved oatmeal sweater dress, with a skater silhouette and brown button appliqué. I meant last summer to create a photo shoot with it before retiring it as the buttons were coming unstitched. But someone took it from the dryer. There have been others. The oldest, and the one most deserving of memorialization, I purchased in the spring of 2010 from Lane Bryant. It had a beautiful floral print, a relaxed waist, long skirt, and a double layered bodice giving a graceful layered texture in the front. This dress was with me through multiple moves, service trips in college, parties, moments when my life collapsed or dramatically shifted. I started noticing signs of where seven or eight years ago and decided to cut back on how often I wore it to preserve it. Last year I took a photo of it folded up with a note card giving the date I bought it approximately, and then the date of the photograph. A series of things are about to happen to this dress, which feels like a friend, feels like it has its own spirit, but feels like something that has reached the end of its life cycle. I’m going to take one last photo wearing the dress, with full hair and makeup, even though the dress is clearly falling apart. A piece of the dress will be cut out to be framed on my aesthetic archive shelf. And then the dress is being cut up into ribbons and turned into a crocheted basket. There is an actual grieving process for me with this. But I am trying my best to translate the memory and the energy of this dress into something that still lives beyond its original purpose. This has seen multiple versions of me, and it has all of those contained within it, from festivals and shopping days to days when I was really sick, to days when I was working for good or just having a good time. It has seen beer spills, paint splatters, endless crumbs, dirt and blood, long bus rides on hot summer days. Yet it always made me feel like I looked great. I didn’t decide to completely take it out of rotation until I noticed one of the shoulder straps was coming apart. Not when the little bead that kept part of the front weightted so it folded down disappeared. Not when I noticed minor separation in the seams under the arms. So now it gets a new job, a new life cycle, because the one thing that this dress does not deserve is being discarded. I’m not going to discard a dress that felt so light on hot summer days, that looked amazing when I wore my hair down my back, the summer sun turning it red. It had a soft silhouette and a skirt that actually moved with your body, and got me so many compliments. Sometimes the things we own integrate into who we are to a point where they are no longer just possessions. They become complex pieces of us and everything we’ve been through, and I belive their next life should honor that. 

  • The Solar Feminine

    The sun is a source of feminine power. She is a source of life, of courage, of warmth, of joy, of generosity. She does not need to be the receiving vessel or the reflection of the masculine. She is her own force. And the power of the sun is also cyclical I would point out. The cycle of day to night and back to day. The solar cycle of year over year.

    Feminine identity is lived in and not performative. The light side of femininity is warm, inviting, elevated, nurturing, and generous. I invest in this side of her power, my power, through self care rituals and style. Through how I decorate my home, and how I interact with others. The dark feminine is strong, protective, creative, indulgent, and wild. I invest in this through community service, being honest even if it’s not pretty or sugarcoated, being there for people I love, allowing my anger to exist, and my magical practice.

    Both the sun and the moon can be viewed as either feminine or masculine. I find the masculine in cool restful energy. Which is why my system is inverse of what is currently popular. I’m not here to justify this. Only to open the door to this possibility.

    You can connect with this power using a piece of citrine. When I did this working I dressed it with a drop of my blood. go outside on a warm sunny day. Hold the stone up to the sun and ask her to fill you with her power. It should feel as though a ray of light flows through the stone to you. You should feel calm, warmed from the inside and empowered. If it is a safe space to do so lay down in the grass and place the stone over your heart. Just live in stillness with her. Note, the blood I used in this working is for creating a physical link but you do not have to do this. You can visualize filling the stone with a deep crimson energy instead. When you are done and return inside, place the stone on a windowsill the sun regularly hits and allow it to continue to charge, and then use it anywhere you engage in self-care or creative rituals.

  • Music, makeup, and mental health

    Part of the reason I tie beauty in all forms, from body art to architecture, music to fine art, sculpture and photography, poetry and the beauty of the natural world, to my spirituality, and particularly to the divine feminine, is because music and makeup were the two things that helped me hold on to hope for many years. And I will always be grateful for that. Music was an outlet. I have a massive library that is primarily rock and metal, with some alternative pop, industrial, and electronic mixed in. Also some world folk stuff the last few years. Playing music while working out, writing, or just trying to think through whatever might be going on, has given me a sense of calm and personal power. If I’m upset it gives me a feeling of strength, and if I’m in a good place it just adds to that. I will share a little secret with everyone. Alongside digging up information on dark or overlooked female spirits and gods for many years, I have also enjoyed really searching the depths of the Internet for women in the underground music scene, especially frontwomen of rock and metal bands. Not very long ago I realized these two pursuits were spiritually connected.

    When I fell in love with make up back in 2015, it opened a door for me. It gave me a reason to get out of bed, brush my hair and take care of my skin, and generally set my spiritual focus on my own internal goddess energy. I had always enjoyed pretty and elevated, with an edgy artistic twist. But for a long time that became central to me. It was a little sidetracked as I tried to break into the beauty influencer game, but without enough technical skill in either editing or the looks I was creating, I couldn’t succeed. Which is why I’m here now, creating content on my own terms. I still love fragrance and body care, though I’ve scaled back on how much makeup I own as I’ve really narrowed down what I like. But I still find spiritual investment in my appearance, and how I feel in my body, valuable every day.

    If you want to check out my beauty and style content, and also Spotlight pieces on various music artists and bands, check out this blog.

    http://diamondserpentine.wordpress.com

  • Positive moments of self-care

    Describe one of your favorite moments.

    I like to try to manifest as many positive and beautiful moments throughout my day as I can. The world feels as though it has lost its mind, and part of my spiritual path involves prioritizing my own sense of contentment within my life. I love a luxurious bubble bath, doing stretches or walking loops through my apartment listening to favorite music, dressing up just for me, or making a charcuterie board for dinner. None of these are rituals necessarily, but they are some of the choices I actively make to manifest positive energy in my life.

    Here is one recipe I love for emotional self-care after a bad day. You can use skim or oat milk. About half a tablespoon of dark cocoa powder, the Hershey’s Dutch dark is my preference, and real honey. A lot of store-bought honey is flavored syrup, you want to make sure it says organic. Or at least raw. All you are going to do is heat up a mug of your milk or substitute of choice, add your cocoa powder and then sweeten with honey to taste. You get a rich luxurious drink that is also quite nourishing and will help you sleep. You can even add a sprinkle of cinnamon or cardamom if you like. This is also an excellent alternative to coffee.

  • Three Tips for Channeling Feminine Power

    One of these is for the body, one is for the mind, and one is for the spirit. I try to employ all of these in my daily life although not always successfully. When I do, I find they are quite effective.

    For the mind: self-care. This is taking baths with luxurious products, dressing up just for yourself, setting up date nights for just you and maybe some girlfriends with good food and maybe champagne. This is getting your hair and nails done, going for a walk in the park, working out or keeping your space clean. You want to recharge your emotional batteries, physically enjoy the life you live, so when life is difficult, it isn’t quite so draining. This isn’t a time to worry about having a certain body type, adhering to hustle culture, or trying to live up to unrealistic standards.

    For the body: breath work and slow communication. A lot of feminine coaches will tell you to speak slower to be perceived as more feminine. This is for purposes of social acceptance. What I would add to that that they usually don’t is that you want to also speak from the diaphragm. When I am anxious or upset I have a tendency to speak very fast and from the throat, which is where a lot of women speak from. This is called up speak. If you slow down and speak from the diaphragm, you find that anger or anxiety turns to power, that people will better listen to you and are more likely to agree to what you have to say, and will perceive you as more assertive. Our deeper intuition is rooted in the solar plexus chakra which is right by the diaphragm. And I find explosions of anger or aggression are very shallow in their roots in your body, making them unstable. Up speak is great to soothe your best female friends during a bad break up. But when dealing with a world that wants to force its will on you, it’s better to speak from a deeper place of power. also making your language more direct and less equivocal, not overly apologizing or using verbal pauses, is a great way to govern an interaction in your favor. Learning how to properly project the way a vocalist does is helpful with this. You don’t want to breathe from your shoulders, you want to breathe from your stomach region. And projecting isn’t making your voice higher, it’s using deeper breath to throw it farther. All of this is an antidote to how we as women are taught to make ourselves smaller and more digestible to those around us.

    For the spirit: rule your domain. A lot of feminine energy coaches will tell you that we should be about rejecting hustle culture and having soft lives. This usually trails into commentary on how we need leaders and protectors. And this is where I diverge. We can have those soft lives if we set strong boundaries and rule our domain. We narrowly define the things we want and we do not permit people or environments to introduce energies that corrupt those desires. We only take in to our spheres of influence those people and things that will align with our goals. When we don’t allow society to dictate what we should desire, beyond using it as a sort of browser to find those things, we aren’t trapped in a cycle of chasing Everything we are supposed to want and then failing ourselves. I want specific handbags, a specific make up style, train travel, enough cash to buy a nicer apartment preferably near a public beach. I don’t care to have a socially acceptable body, a perfectly attractive partner, or excessive wealth. This is what I mean. It’s partially about shedding baggage, partially not begging for scraps, and partially dictating what is allowed to influence your choices and worldview. The way I see it is, you can be a queen on her throne and accept gifts of quality, or you can sit on the floor and take only what falls from a table where those who want your worship sit and feast. You deserve your own throne. And you can build your own table with your own people.

    Just remember that the feminine within you is like the sun, it gives life. You project but not in a shallow cheap aggressive way, but in a deeper way that illuminates everything. Respect yourself as the center of your universe, but also respect that everyone else is the center of theirs. Learn how to validate things you don’t understand and see new concepts as equally worthy of consideration as what you have been taught. Welcome to the path.

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