Solaria Divina

Tag: Pagan

  • Late night thoughts

    One conflict I’ve always had a hard time with is feeling that different aspects of my nature just don’t make sense together, and it’s not a great feeling. I try to be self-aware and that’s difficult when you feel somewhat internally disconnected. Too edgy to really feel like I belong in elegant spaces. Two elegant to feel welcome in occult spaces. Too loud, opinionated, and conventionally unattractive to really feel socially validated as feminine. But all of these are genuine aspects of my nature. I love silk or cashmere when I can find it secondhand, but I have tattoos. I write poetry, paint and sculpt, but if you knew me in person you would know my conversational style could be called spicy. I am a student of the occult, but I have a somewhat materialistic nature. Because I am all about the richness of life, getting all I can out of this experience since the universe and the gods are going to guide us where we need to go. We have to take agency, that’s our gift and our responsibility simultaneously, but they will get us there. In the meantime I think it’s absolutely fine to try to live for the purpose of enjoying the experience, creating a legacy that made your world a better place, and moving forward with as few regrets as possible.

    Here’s the revelation that hit me a couple of hours ago. I used the phrase your world. What this means is the social structures that are relevant to your experience, not necessarily the big arbitrary ones that have been set up for us all. This means your people, your gods or lack there of, your values. How you frame yourself within your world or your reality. You start with a foundation. Those people you have a genuine connection with. A moral compass that is based on experience and not whatever comes down the ladder of hierarchy we are supposed to climb. I was thinking about how I used to sort of be known as the pagan church lady because I had a very reserved, conservative style. Thinking about this made me realize that it’s not really about how your world sees you. It’s how you see yourself in your world, your framework. So if I want to be that practitioner with spiritual tattoos and a fairly elegant sense of style, then I create that space for myself to exist within my framework. And then all of those pieces can be united potentially, because focusing on your own framework, building your own world around that framework for a visual metaphor, means that the wider, careless, anonymous reality we all share, has less relevance. It’s reclaiming your power, ruling your domain. Then you can do two things. you can refuse access to your world for certain energies, whether that’s people or currents or experiences that you think will negatively impact your personal growth and happiness. And you can begin to manifest what fills this world of yours. I am currently exploring how daydreaming, intentionally living out those experiences in your head, can serve as a basis for manifestation. I know lots of us daydream to get a break from whatever personal circumstances we wish to escape, creating other versions of ourselves to live other lives. But what if it was an idealized version of yourself, with your knowledge, all your good points, with an appearance you actually like, living out things you desire, moments you want to see happen. Perhaps building in a little bit of focus to help channel those daydreams into energy you can put toward making your desires part of your external reality. Maybe it’s a big city condo somewhere warm. Maybe it’s travel. Maybe it’s family dinners on inherited China with children you haven’t met yet. Build yourself into your daydreams so they can be part of your world build.

    A lot of us worry I think about how we are perceived. But I think it might be more important to ask how we want to be perceived only by those who are actually relevant to us and impact our lives. And before that, how we want to perceive ourselves within our own Framework. For me it’s important that how I present actually matches my genuine nature. I believe most of us are scared of who we genuinely are, and so are more willing than we should be to accept messaging that tries to feed on our insecurities and get us to obey Certain rules. And when we are scared of any aspect of ourselves we project that onto everyone and everything around us, so that anything straying beyond what we perceive as normal or right becomes a problem to us. Honestly my thoughts on how to get past this are you have to grow a backbone, look your naked ass in the mirror, be real about the good and the bad of who you are not just by physical appearance, but asking yourself questions like do you trust yourself, what actions have been mistakes and what have you intentionally done wrong, which are two different things, are you willfully choosing to ignore truth in favor of your own opinions, and what’s good about who you are. And then, just stop minding other people’s business. Those people who are personally relevant to you, their valid experience plays a role in how you let them exist within your world, your understanding of reality, because you cannot ignore their truth, and should not ignore your own. You have to find a place where you can both live if there’s conflict, or it’s time to make some space. Everyone has the right to agency, to building their own worlds, and have who they are respected, as long as they are not infringing on those rights for others. You have a right to finding your own happiness, building your own world and identity within it, but so does everyone else. Meanwhile, now that you focused on doing your own internal work, you can enter those parts of yourself you rejected, reckon with the choices you’ve made, and maybe start to build self-respect that is not based on surface level social perceptions or standards set by others. If you are focused on your own happiness and growth, your identity within your world will make sense beautifully, and maybe won’t feel so contradictory when dealing on the outside. Internal contradictions are human, sometimes we can integrate those pieces into a hole or at least figure out how to balance them, but I think the deeper issue is a question you might not have found the answer to about yourself as a hole. And that’s why I think about this stuff at three in the morning.

  • Memento Vivere

    Sable’s nicknames were sweet girl and honeybee. I also referred to her in conversation sometimes as a salty diva because she was very much the Primadonna. She would be seeking attention one minute, and then I would walk by her a few minutes later and she would bite my foot just because she was annoyed at my presence. She never really liked toys and knew how to remove a collar. She was absolutely food crazy, and if she really liked you she would let you hold one of her paws while she took a nap. An absolute lap cat, she did not love being held but would refuse to get off of you no matter what you needed to do, or how quickly you needed to do it.

    Sable was born sometime in the spring of 2014. I never got the absolute correct date. But I got her in April 2015 so she was between eight and 10 months old at the time. At first the Humane Society would not let me visit with her because they wanted her to be adopted with her former housemates. The owner had gone into hospice. I was on the verge of signing the paperwork for a sweet little black cat named Diamond, when they came in and told me I could see her because the other two cats from the same house had been adopted without her. She completely ignored me at first, until I put my hand on her scruff the way a mother cat would, and then she climbed all over me. She wasn’t the cat I was necessarily looking for that day, but apparently she was the one I needed.

    Over a decade, several moves, friendships coming and going, and me trying to figure out what to do with my life, Sable has been there. She struggled with a stress related bladder disorder and a congenital lung condition. She hated wet food for most of her life, but would eat canned chicken or tuna. She also had this walk like the patterns in her fur were some kind of fashion statement, and always wanted me to turn on the faucet so she could drink from it. I never had to worry about her trying to go outside, and while she would watch the birds, she didn’t seem to care to try to catch them. Another nickname I jokingly had for her was sun patch cat. Because as with most cats, sunbathing was one of her favorite activities.

    There is something about that face that I always felt was almost human but I could never explain why. She knew how to manipulate with those eyes. After she came back from the vet and they had had to give her a breathing tube during dental cleaning, she had lost her voice for about a week. She figured out that if she used the same tone even when she was recovered, I would think it was adorable and pitiful and give her what she wanted. Which was generally treats.

    Sable passed away around 7 AM Sunday, August 31 of this year. She was losing her vision and mentally declining. Lung and liver conditions caught up with her and we were also dealing with a flea infestation. Someone removed all four sets of her claws as a kitten, so she had difficulty scratching let alone jumping to high places to get away from them. while I was treating my place and her, I missed the signs of anemia and she declined very suddenly. So this afternoon I laid her to rest.

    The first thing she received were what I think of as grave gifts. I work well with water and fire magic. I gave her black mother of pearl, a cowry shell, and one other I don’t remember the name of. She received four stones. Blue kyanite, aquamarine, quartz, and agatized coral. I covered her with a blend of lavender blossoms, sea salt, some ground ginger, and a little dragon’s blood oil. The last thing was this champagne silk scarf I kept in my purse. We draped it over her before covering her up. I wanted her to have a true funeral, the kind of burial that ancient pagans would give those they love with all sorts of riches included in the grave. Before we filled in the grave, I finally just asked that her reincarnation would be a reward for all that she did. I was not in the frame of mind to decide what God’s to call. I had held her while the grave was dug. I had made an impression of her paw print in clay that I will paint later on. I was not a perfect pet parent, we frustrated each other and argued, and she gave me plenty of sass. I wanted to make sure, because this isn’t done enough, that she had a respectful sendoff. Too many sweet babies are just discarded, or owners treat them as accessories instead of members of the family. That was my first strong opinion I think, that pets are family, and I remember I took so much crap for that in third grade. Please keep your cats inside, make sure they know love every day, and don’t just discard them when they become slightly inconvenient.

    The phrase memento vivere means remember to live. We are all getting swept away in the horror that is our world right now. I can translate sadness over the shitty way so many of us treat animals who love us into just doing more for the ones who have chosen me. I can acknowledge how awful our social climate is, and then prioritize doing things I enjoy like going out for coffee, artwork, thrifting and music, because personal happiness in the little moments is resistance to the darkness. I can prioritize remembering to say good morning or good night, checking on my friends occasionally without needing to be prompted, sending out a birthday text or condolence wishes, because those things forge our connection with each other. Say good night, memento mori, say good night and drive safe. Memento vivere, say good morning and you matter to me. Remember you will die, but also remember to live. Because as far as I’m concerned there are three things to do in life. Have a good time, try to learn something, and live in a way you can be proud of at the end. But I need to add to that. Be there in a genuine way for those you share this life with who are genuine with you.

    Hail the traveler. Good night sweet girl.

  • Material self-care is a spiritual prerogative

    According to many religions we all contain some aspect of divinity. Whether that is incarnation, a divine spark, a pillar, or the potential to ascend to the level of a God or goddess. At this point I feel my beliefs are a combination of the first two. We can incarnate some aspect of gods who have taken a hand in our creation and growth. For those who believe in one particular God, they say that people are made in his image. Which could be interpreted as the same thing. And we all have divine energy within us, those little gifts and moments of intuition beyond the physical.

    In my own personal practice I ally with, work with, and give offerings too, many different types of gods and spirits. So what if when we give without expecting anything in return to other people, we are in some ways making offerings to their spirits? And what if when we initiate an exchange of labor or material possessions, we are allying with that person’s spirit the same way we do with the non-physical entities we work with? Sometimes those human spirits in living bodies aren’t necessarily deserving of what we give, and sometimes we give with ulterior motives, but that’s a topic for another day. Most religions would say it is good to be selfless. But I think a healthy amount of selfishness is also a good thing.

    If the only food you have in your home is a plate of cookies, and there are five, and three people come to your home asking for food, are you going to give away all of the cookies? We have to take time to physically restore our emotional Resources, our sense of comfort in this physical reality, so that we have enough abundance to share when others need it. We do this in three ways. We are careful not to give to those who only seek to drain us. Community means that when you share resources, there is an unspoken promise that when you need support, others will share with you. This goes for emotional and spiritual resources, not just physical. You protect what you know you need. This means that the three people who came to your house wanting food can get a cookie if you know you are going to have more food in the next few hours. But if you don’t, then maybe sharing isn’t the best idea. Maybe they promised to bring something back in return. You don’t know if they will keep that promise.

    The third way is self-care. Actions that bring you a sense of well-being, contentment, and security start in the physical, boosting your emotional resources, giving your spirit space to heal. For some people this is cleaning or working out. For some people this is a rare steak and red wine. Of which I approve. For some people this is a luxurious bath involving fancy special occasion products and scented candles. Also lovely.

    How do you practice self-care?

    I personally engage in self-care in a few stages. I will enjoy a nice bath, to remember how to love the body I am in. I might bring a mineral water with me. I will listen to a favorite book. Then when I am done, I make sure to take care of my skin, put on fragrance, and throw on a favorite dress. I get ready as if I am going out on a date or with friends. But instead, I order a pizza, put on a favorite show, and acknowledge my gratitude for how much the gods and spirits I am aligned with due for me. And how incredible life is. Or if this is too much of a production, I get a mineral water or a coffee, maybe a brownie or a few pieces of dark chocolate, and I find somewhere quiet to just sit and read. I still might throw on a pretty dress though. I have put myself in a better state of mind to make it easier to handle whatever life throws at me next. And be there for the spirits of those I care about.

    I offer two courses that relate to this topic. Right now they are live for $30 an hour, and they are one hour courses. Later this year I hope to have print download options. They are glamour magic and self empowerment. You can read more about these on my courses page. 

  • Working magic with classic jewelry

    I have never really been into the organic shapes and earthy look of a lot of spiritual jewelry. I’ve always liked pieces that are bold, but still classic in their design.

    These pendants have been collected over the last decade. A few are a little more ornate, but they are all basically the same simple cabochon and setting design. I love chunky brooches, pendants, bangles and medallions. They are personally expressive but in ways that translate well to the culture we live in. I’ve always liked to blend my spirituality with my sense of style. I feel no need to stand out and in fact I prefer keeping my practice quite subtle. There is something so powerful in disguising your workings this way. Someone sees a beautiful dress or piece of jewelry, and there might be a spirit housed in the jewelry, the dress might have symbols sewn into the lining. Your fragrance might be charged, you might have tiny mojo bags in the heels of your shoes. Your wallet might be blessed with prosperity oil, the one you Thrifted for $.50 because it was beautiful embossed leather.

    By the way I will be offering a glamour magic course, in print downloads, later this year. Those will be $10 each for the different sections. I also offer a live course for $30 and accept Cashapp or PayPal. If you leave me a comment we can figure out how to connect. The live courses are available now.

    You can do so much with gemstone jewelry. Of course you can work with the stone itself for many different purposes. But the piece can also be used for spirit keeping, that is housing a companion spirit if necessary. They can be used for all sorts of other types of spell work. I primarily use this collection for spirit keeping, although this is a process I am just now initiating, and managing my energetic body and environment as a practitioner. 

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